We start as we mean to go on

So, this week's theme is vampires. Which I'm sure I'd have something very illuminating to tell you about, if it wasn't twenty to twelve and I didn't have an eight hour bus journey ahead of me at eight o'clock tomorrow morning. Consider this a placeholder. My scintillating wit will be with you in due time.

I Like To Say Things and Eat Stuff

My name is Dan, and I will be your Man Friday. I mean 'man' in the loosest sense of course, as there's not inconsiderable evidence I'm actually a fourteen year old girl trapped in the body of an early-mid-twenties man.

I work for an international chain of toy shops I for legal reasons shouldn't name, but I can tell you it's headed by a giant cartoon mouse and is responsible for original characters like Ricky Rouse and Monald Muck. I spend most of my time there frantically trying to compensate for other people's idiocy, and secretly crying in the toilets like I'm in an episode of Party of Five.

I live in Manchester, a city which is primarily known as the place Eastenders characters go to die, and is responsible for Boddingtons (and the greatest advert ever), Sarah Harding, and people what talk funny like in Coronation Street.

I like fictional fierce British women, drinking gin and pretending I'm a Jackie Collins character, and villainous blondes. I'm also addicted to buying pretty notebooks, action figures and dvd boxsets of tv shows.

I dislike teenagers, Megan Fox, and women who insist on walking around with their enormous umbrellas open when it's barely even slightly drizzling. THANKS A LOT FOR NEARLY DECAPITATING ME, LADIES.

I think Drew Barrymore in Donnie Darko is wrong, the most beautiful phrase in the English language is not "cellar door", but rather "beautiful robots, dancing alone".

In summary and in conclusion, my life's philosophy is best summarised by Lois Lane when she says:

Sorry I'm late, I was stuck in traffic.

Hi, I'm Andrew, and I'll be your Wednesday. I think today is actually Thursday, so my apologies to my more punctual bloggers and bloggette, but yesterday I was stuck on the M62 washing my hair while the dog ate my homework.

I am currently self-employed as an unemployed person, but I've only been a university graduate for nigh on 48 hours, so I think I'm still in the period where this is somewhat acceptable. The climax of my university career saw me writing a very big essay on the likes of George Saunders and Tao Lin (I actually adore Eeee Eee Eeeee), which you would think is all you need to know about me since it paints something of a damningly hipster-tastic picture. It gets worse, though - I also wrote an essay on The Shining, did a close analysis of a scene from Blade Runner and mentioned Twitter in an exam on Serenity. Honestly, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

All of that said, I am currently reading Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace's autobiography (the moral is that you better know yourself, little girl), my favourite TV shows at the moment are Gossip Girl and True Blood, and I think Pokemon games are a fun time. I like to think I tread the thin line between pretentious, ironic hipster and sincerely trashy trash heap.

Everything else you need to know about me? I like avocados, shiny shoes, listening to whatever Pitchfork and Popjustice tell me to, animated gifs, pulling a Mystery Science Theater with rom-coms I hate, and worrying about whether I'm getting my five-a-day. I dislike my obsession with my hairline, the declining quality of The Simpsons, the fact that some of the things listed by TLC in the song No Scrubs apply to me, and cherry tomatoes. I hate them most of all.

Just be thankful I haven't used any footnotes. Yet.

Well HELLO there.

I am Emma, the female portion of The Gretchen Weiners Book Group. I live in England's Ancient Capital™, Winchester. We like to call it England's Ancient Capital™ because then it seems as if we're famous for something other than tired commuters, rosy-cheeked public schoolboys and herds of polite French exchange students. Oh, and the graveyard Joss Whedon used as inspiration for Buffy, which seems more relevant to my target audience. When I'm not avoiding herds of French exchange students, I organise parties for dentists, which is both more and less interesting than it sounds. I used to be a children's bookseller but had to quit because I could no longer afford to feed, clothe and house myself (oh, alright, it was because I could no longer afford to feed my DVD habit; it was about the essentials, at any rate). I still have residual guilt over resigning from a job I loved over something so mercenary. But then I look at my Dawson's Creek - The Complete Collection box set and feel slightly better.

Like Our Illustrious Leader, I wanted to post a picture of myself so you had some sort of image when composing your hate mail. I was torn, though, between two choices: this one, which so perfectly illustrates my default setting of looking down my nose at most things in a Hermione fashion, or this one, which sums up my posting style to a t. Yes, I am a squee-er. I am ALL CAPSLOCK, ALL THE TIME. I take too long to say what others (hello, previous post which is about half the length of mine ALREADY) can say in a few short sentences. I love pop-culture and I am not ashamed to get all squeaky about it.

Other things I love: how fast they talk in Gilmore Girls, baroque pop, Jasper Fforde novels, alphabetizing, knowing all the words to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, older men with dark curly hair and green eyes (hello Rufus Sewell), spending more on giftwrap than on the gift, music from Disney films, Amanda Seyfried, pretty packaging, and movie trailers that give me goosebumps. There aren't many things I don't like, although I sometimes wish there were more. I am not very discerning. I have sat through Gilmore Girls Season Seven more than once, continue to watch Big Brother despite overwhelming pressure to the contrary, and genuinely believe Mamma Mia! to be one of cinema's finest accomplishments. These are not the acts of a person with taste. Just so you're warned.

I think the most important thing you need to know, though, is this: When I left the cinema after watching Mean Girls, I did not leave wanting to be Cady, even though she had the looks and the brains and the friends and the man. I left the cinema wanting to be Regina George. I think this blog - my part of it, anyhow - is for those people. Those of us who secretly - or not so secretly - want to be Queen of the Plastics.

This is me, then

Hello. My name is Michael and I live in Glasgow.

I'll be your Monday.

I currently work in a school uniform shop. It is the source of my gladness. My degree in English Literature has really come in useful, particularly when it comes to folding cardigans and dealing with women on the verge of a nervous breakdown because the fabric that they use to make the trousers is a slightly different shade of brown to the fabric that they use to make the blazers. I've just finished a post-graduate course in Secondary Teaching. I don't want to be a teacher.

When I grow up, I want to be a writer, mostly because I want to be able to wake up at noon and spend all day at my computer, in my pyjamas.

I like watching telly, reading books, and listening to music aimed at girls half my age.

I don't like people who move too fast, people who move too slow and bad writing in any medium. And when people mistake my sister for my girlfriend, as if my handbag isn't fancier than hers. Oh! And when people walk down a narrow path in a row of four, like it's The Wizard of fucking Oz, and they don't hear you when you say excuse me because they're too busy chatting up a storm, and then you're late for work and your boss is in a right old mope with you for ages.

This is one of the best things I've read all year.

Sorry, I was washing my ferrets

I didn't realise we'd already started! I like the layout very much, and am quite happy with any day, though I feel obliged to claim Thursday since no one's asked for that yet. And I'll endeavour to be more punctual in future, sorry, and that.

Reporting for duty and all that.

Do we have to call Michael "Sir"? Bagsie I'm his favourite who gets to, like, clean his boots and whatnot. Especially if that means I won't get told off so much when I post an entry ENTIRELY IN ALLCAPS. You know I've got it in me.

Also a special hello to Andrew who is the only contributor I don't know, I think. HELLO. I am Emma and I often post in allcaps. It's like a disease.

(I am listening to a playlist consisting of Hairspray, High School Music, Mamma Mia!, Hunchback of Natre Dame and The Little Mermaid as I post this. Appropriate, no?)

The layout is good. I suspect I would have made it far too pink. The title, though, is sheer genius. I am imagining Gretchen fell out with the Cool Asians and started hanging out in the library. What group are we part of? (I am totally voting for "Girls Who Eat Their Feelings", btw).

I would like a weekend day I think. But am happy with anything, really. Eee.